Kiddy Swearing
During Training at Uni one of the lecturers named Bazzer, 29 years in The Job and about to retire stated about how much he missed the Good Old Days and how some people could be taught to behave just by being shoved in a cell for a short while.
He said that on a few occasions many years ago he'd had irate housewives turn up at the Nick front desk with their 10 year old sons to say "officer, I've just caught him stealing from my purse. Can you teach him a lesson and lock him up for a couple of hours?"
The overly nonchalant child would then be taken to the Custody Suite, busily chewing gum or picking their nose and shown an empty cell. Bazzer said that once they saw it they would lose the cockiness and once inside would look visibly frightened. The officer would then step back outside and shut the door with an extra hard push so it made a loud clang and the mechanism clicked in the lock.
He would then stand and look at his watch and no more than ten seconds later you would hear:
"AAAAWWWWAAAAAAAA! MUMMYYYYYY!!!!"
They usually gave it ten minutes and then opened the door again to find the kid curled up on the bed blubbing hysterically and would say "right! Job done. Out you come you little bastard, DON'T do it again".
Nowadays no Custody skipper in the land would ever authorise this due to the field day the newspapers would have (HEADLINE: "Unable to catch terrorists or rapists, cops now lock up pre-teens for stealing 50p"), the bad reputation it might give the Police and the bloody Human Rights Act.
One day I was on Front Desk at the Nick with a seasoned cop named Rossana. She was six feet tall, had short blonde hair and could outstare a gargoyle. While we were chatting at the desk a middle aged man in a Barbour jacket with designer spectacles came in, holding a squirming 6 year old by the hand.
The kid looked visibly terrified and was struggling to get free, gazing at us in mute horror and then at what presumably was his dad in a silent plea for mercy.
We stood up looking puzzled and the guy approached the counter:
"Officers, sorry to bother you. He's just used a VERY naughty word to his mummy. I want you to do something about that".
More to follow in Stab Proof Scarecrows by Lance Manley from Troubador Publishers.